You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
