see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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