i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
