I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
