so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Alive.
So much puke
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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