I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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