I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
