He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
