So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
