Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
