I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
