I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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