he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
