Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
