I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
