Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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