there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
