How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize