He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
