how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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