just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
