It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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