So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
