went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
