rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
