You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
