So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
