My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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