I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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