You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
