I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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