It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
