am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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