How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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