I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
