I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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