..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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