You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Houston, we have a squirter
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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