I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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