I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
