I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
