I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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