I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
