We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
