Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
