I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
