Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
