YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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