he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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