im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
