also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
