someone owes me an orgasm
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
