i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
