I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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