oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
