You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize