I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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