I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
