I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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