Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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