she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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