this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
