Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
