We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
