Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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