I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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