my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
