is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
