Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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