i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My breasts were aching with rage.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
