; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
