You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
