Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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