I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
