wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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