Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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