ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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