Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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