Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
