I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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