no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
