You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
