Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
