I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did not marry a roomba.
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