i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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