i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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